I finally tried to send someone a 1400 word text message, and since I want to keep having friends and I don't live in the year 1500: it's blog time.

Trust me, I've tried to send people letters and for some reason they never respond, not even when you ask nicely for their full name, birth date and SSN so that you can give them a friendly 45% APR money printing gadget.

Nothing on here is going to be nicely formatted so buckle up: I've been reading post-modern literature and I have entirely forgotten my technical writing class.